How Do You Love?
by TracyCook
Summary: Charlotte has been in love with Samantha for some time, she should be happy, she has the perfect husband and the perfect life.  One day she blows up on her blonde friend and all of her feelings come out.  What will happen?  Samantha/Charlotte femslash!
1. Love

How Do You Love?

By: TracyCook

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters belong to the creator of Sex And The City.

Couple: Charlotte/Samantha

Rating: M

Chapter 1

Love

Love, is a confusing word. Love is something that you share between friends, between family, and between that special man. That man you marry and start a family with, that man who you care for more than anyone in the world, and that man who cares for you more than anything as well. Charlotte had that.

She had Harry and he was the sweetest man ever. She had given up everything to be with him. Converting to Judaism and giving up on the social norm and fantasies of the amazing and perfect man with a chiseled body and a full head of hair, but it was worth it to her because all that the brunette ever wanted was to fall in love with someone.

They had two amazing daughters. One that they had adopted when Charlotte was not able to have children and one that was a miracle. Their family was the envy of everyone around them. Perfection. They hardly ever fought and they never cheated. He respected her obsessive-compulsive cleaning and boundaries and she allowed him to be himself as well, no matter how dirty. Yet, lately the brunette found herself unhappy.

It was not Harry he had not changed or gone through a mid-life crisis, he was still the same sweetheart she had married many years prior. Yet, lately her brown eyes had started to wander toward a certain blonde. Most would assume Carrie was the friend who had caught her eye, and Charlotte actually felt less unease at this assumption because she had a better chance forming a relationship with that blonde. No, the blonde she had to fall in love with was Samantha.

Samantha Jones, the one woman who planned to live out the rest of her days without ever being in a committed relationship. Sex, sex, and more sex was all that she wanted out of the rest of her diminishing life. This lifestyle disgusted Charlotte, it should have deterred her from liking the blonde, yet it hadn't.

Ever since her friend and Smith had broken up she had felt herself encouraged to make a move on her, to show her how great it could be with someone who was sweet and loving. How amazing holding hands could be. Show her what a kiss beside a fire and the words I love you really meant. That was all she wanted to do. Problem was Samantha loved men, she loved sex, but she hated love.

"Charlotte, are you okay?" Carrie asked, noticing the way that the brunette had zoned out of the conversation. She herself would have loved to do the same considering what they were talking about.

"Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking."

"Mm. About Andy's large throbbing—" Samantha started back on the same train of conversation she had been on, bragging about some new guy in her life. Apparently he was the largest man she had ever been with. This was of course not something that Charlotte cared to listen to.

"Oh god, no. No!" She emphasized louder. "Ew, that was not what I was thinking about."

"That's what I was thinking about." Samantha stated with a smirk on her lips and a waggle of her eyebrows.

"Enough! God when are you going to grow up Samantha! You hurt Smith so bad and you don't even care! You hurt so many people who fall in love with you and does it even bother you? No! You just continue on fucking every guy and occasionally girl that you see! It is disgusting! Don't you want to fall in love? Don't you want to grow old knowing someone cares about you?" Charlotte asked as she stood to her feet slamming her hands down on the table in rage.

None of her friends assumed that she had feelings for the blonde of course, but they all were shocked by the outburst. Not that it was the first time that it had happened in the past ten years, but it seemed unexpected. All of their eyes now watching her intently. Embarrassed the brunette felt her cheeks flush with a bright pink blush that ran down her neck as well. "I'm sorry, Samantha."

"No! It's perfectly fine, this isn't the first time you have made it known just how much you hate me!" Samantha shouted out in annoyance with her prudent friend before she stormed out of the restaurant.

"Oh come on Samantha I didn't mean anything by it! I just—" The door was slammed too quickly in brown eyes, which had now started to tear up. Glancing back to Carrie and Miranda both looked up at her with confused blue eyes and shrugged their shoulders.

"She'll be fine." Carrie tried, reassuringly.

"No, she won't. I better go and find her." Charlotte responded grabbing ahold of her purse and rushing out of the restaurant, her polka-dotted dress swaying behind her as she left two very confused friends behind at the café to laugh about the situation.

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Authors note: Lol because I can. I love Sex and the City, I don't know if that is odd but I really do. Always have. :P there are hardly any fics for the series which is a shame and there are like NO femslash fics for the couple, so I wanted to contribute one. I am sick today so I hope that this and all of my other stories won't come off horribly. :/ I know I shouldn't write when I am so sick, but I feel the need to keep people happy.

Please leave reviews if you are interested in my continuing this!

-Tracy Cook


	2. Anger

How Do You Love?

By: TracyCook

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters belong to the creator of Sex And The City.

Couple: Charlotte/Samantha

Rating: M

Chapter 2

Anger

Charlotte was searching frantically and starting to realize just how large New York City actually was. The city itself wasn't all that large but there were so many people everywhere and so many places to hide, and she was starting to lose hope as far as finding Samantha went. She tried to go over all of the places that the blonde loved to go but there were too many and she had no idea where to even start.

"God I can't believe I yelled at her like that! I'm so stupid!" She scolded herself as she again started to run down the sidewalk in her heels looking in every direction. Brown eyes scanning the alleys, stores, and restaurants.

How could she have allowed her jealousy to finally shine through? Sure it was not the first time that she had gone off on her promiscuous friend for her ways, but this time it was based purely on jealousy. All of them would brag about the sizes of their men on a regular occasion so this had been no special occasion. She had simply wanted Samantha to shut her mouth and focus on her and that was selfish.

Finally her eyes caught sight of her blonde friend; she was in the alley pressed against one of the brick walls making out furiously with some random guy. Charlotte had never seen him before but that meant nothing when it came to Samantha.

The jealousy flashed once again behind brown eyes as her worried expression turned to one of annoyance and anger. Rushing across the street without looking where she was going, not that she could see through her blurry eyes even if she tried as tears filled them. Once she reached her friend and pushed the man off of her she didn't know what to say as shocked brown met tear-filled.

"What? Here to badger me some more about my improper ways, little miss perfect? Or should I say misses?"

"Oh no! Don't you dare shove it in my face that I am married! It is your fault that you are alone, not mine!" Charlotte screeched out tears falling down her neck as she started to pace around in front of the other woman.

Samantha scoffed at her friend not feeling at all sympathetic as she watched her cry. It was none of her business what she did with her life as far as she was concerned. "I like it that way! What part of that can you not get through your old-fashioned perfectionistic brain of yours? I love casual sex, I don't want to get married and I do not want to be tied down to one man!"

"Don't you see? That's the problem! That is what has made telling you how I feel so difficult!" She screamed this out through sobs and a shaking voice. All she wanted to do for so many years was to tell the blonde how she truly felt, but she knew it would never be reciprocated so why even bother?

"Telling me what?" The promiscuous blonde asked, her voice softer than it had been as she walked closer to her crying friend placing manicured hands on her arms gently. The contact causing the brunette to flinch. She had no idea what Charlotte could possibly mean, they had been close for a very long time but it had never been more than friendship. When she did not respond Samantha pushed on. "Please tell me?"

"Tell you what? That I am madly in love with you and always have been! That every time I see you I want to kiss you! That I am a fake and I gave up Christianity to be in a marriage that I am uncommitted too! Or would you like me to admit that I would leave Harry in a heartbeat if you just wanted to be serious with me?"

"Wait… I'm not quite sure I understand…"

Leaning up Charlotte pushed her lips against the sweet glossy lips of her older friend, the kiss was bruising and the blonde had not yet started to return the kiss, which caused the brunette to blush and start to pull away. The only thing that stopped her was when she felt Samantha run her fingers against her neck and through dark strands of hair pulling her closer and kissing back feverishly. It had been the first time that anyone had kissed her and actually shocked her enough that she had not kissed back immediately, but not she was kissing back and she honestly never wanted to stop.

If they stopped it made everything confusing between herself and the younger woman, not to mention the kiss was probably the best that she had ever had. The blonde was usually all about sex, and as horny and heated up her body was getting at the moment, she was actually enjoying just kissing the beautiful woman.

The way that Charlotte's tongue ran against her bottom-lip made her open her mouth as she let out soft whimpers of pleasure and her body shook. A wetness was starting to form between her legs but she did not feel the need to fix it quite yet she simply wanted to feel and taste more of the other woman's lips. Tongues now dancing around each other, both women were letting out loud moans and as Samantha ran her hand against the toned abdomen of her friend Charlotte pulled away abruptly.

"No! No! No! I love you Samantha! I refuse to be just another notch on your bedpost! I want more!" With that she again started crying, always the most emotional of the group, she turned on her heels and ran away leaving the blonde standing there completely confused about everything she once found to be the truth.

"What the hell?"

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Authors note: Welp, no reviews but I decided to add another chapter anyhow. So please do review. I know only like 15 people have read this and that is perfectly cool. The show isn't all too popular. But if you like it please do tell me!

-Tracy Cook


	3. Thinking

How Do You Love?

By: TracyCook

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters belong to the creator of Sex And The City.

Couple: Charlotte/Samantha

Rating: M

Chapter 3

Thinking

Samantha did not care for emotions, mostly because she did not know how to deal with them. Usually she would simply ignore them and never allow anyone to be that important in her life that they could actually hurt her. That was the reason that she pushed Smith away. He made her feel so dependent on him, fall so hard for him, that she didn't want to cheat on him or hurt him. But, he stopped giving her the attentions that she needed and it practically drove her insane. She told herself she would never go through that again.

So, of course she was dealing with the Charlotte situation the same way she dealt with everything that made her feel horrible. She was having sex with Andy, or as she had referred to him the other day during lunch, 'The best sex of her life.'

'_So why the hell can't I get off!' _The blonde thought as she dug her nails into his back trying her hardest to reach her orgasm, but it was not coming. This never happened to her, she could always get off no matter how old she got. It had to be all of the thoughts running through her mind about Charlotte and the things that she had said, the kiss, and how she was going to fix the friendship, if she even wanted it to just be a friendship. She didn't, after that amazing kiss she knew that she wanted more with the sweet woman, but she could not be in a relationship with her. Not that sex seemed all that satisfying at the moment anyway.

After finally deciding to just fake her orgasm and send the man on his way Samantha lay in bed staring at her phone. Thinking about if she should call Charlotte and apologize, if she had anything to apologize for. "She's the one that kissed me." She reminded herself before lifting the phone and scrolling down to her friend's name.

It was driving her insane just how guilty she felt about the situation, it was not her fault that the brunette had fallen in love with her. It was not like they could simply be together anyway when the other woman was married with children, not to mention the blonde absolutely hated children. She could not be a mother; she would be horrible at it. And even though her mind was screaming at her to put the phone down and just go on with life as if nothing happened, she found herself clicking the send button with a manicured nail and watching as her friend's beautiful picture popped up on the screen.

'_She is so beautiful… but it's Charlotte… not just some girl…' _For a moment she had gotten lost in thought looking at the photo and had not realized that there was a voice coming from the phone.

"Hello? Samantha? Is this some kind of a joke? Samantha? This isn't funny you got my hopes up!"

Realizing that the other woman was shouting out from the speaker of her phone Samantha lifted the phone to her ear. "Hey, I'm here."

"Oh, Hi." She responded. "Why are you calling?" Her question came out a little bitterly, her voice shaking. The blonde could practically hear the tears falling from those large brown eyes and she hated it. She hated knowing that she had hurt someone she cared about so bad.

"I'm calling because I am pissed the fuck off at you!" She said a little too loudly shocking the woman on the other end of the line with her bluntness. Not that it was uncommon for her to be blunt, she was always blunt.

"You're upset with me?" Charlotte almost screeched.

"Yes! I tried to have sex tonight and do you know what happened? I'll tell you what, I couldn't get off! You want to know why! Because of you Charlotte! Because the whole time all I could think about was how I hurt you, what I wanted with you, how fucking amazing it was to kiss you and I couldn't even enjoy sex!" She accused.

Silence suddenly filled the line as the brunette's eyes widened and she looked toward the bathroom listening to see if her husband was still taking his shower. When she heard it still running she whispered into the phone, still terrified that he would somehow hear her. "Really? Does this mean that you want to be with me?"

"No! It doesn't mean that! It means, I don't know what it means!" Samantha shouted out standing from her bed pacing the room. Throwing her hands around angrily.

"You don't have to be afraid of these feelings Samantha. You don't have to be afraid to love me back." Charlotte whispered into the phone excitedly, a smile spreading practically ear to ear across her face. Her heart pounding hastily in her chest, almost so violently that it could break her ribs. She had never imagined that there was any hope for the two of them, and now she was feeling that maybe there actually could be.

"I'm not afraid Charlotte, I'm pissed the fuck off! You ruined the only thing in my life worth living for!"

"Maybe this could be the start of something worth living for, this could be amazing." There was a pause on the younger girls side of the phone before she whispered "Harry is out of the shower, meet me at the cafe we can talk about this."

'Click'

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Authors note: Yay I actually got quite a few reviews for this story sooo I decided I would add another chapter for all of you amazing and wonderful readers! I love getting feedback especially for my less popular, more daring stories! SO thank y'all and if you guys want another chapter fast leave me some love!

-Tracy Cook


	4. Good Fuck

How Do You Love?

By: TracyCook

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters belong to the creator of Sex And The City.

Couple: Charlotte/Samantha

Rating: M

Chapter 4

Good Fuck

Things were silent and far too awkward for either girl's liking, but neither had any idea what they should say. Charlotte was still surprised that Samantha had even shown up at the café, large brown eyes focused on her coffee as she tried to not overanalyze things and overreact, she tended to do that after all and the last thing that she wanted was to push the blonde woman back into her "polygamy shell."

Honestly the feelings that she harbored for Samantha terrified her, for many years she had wanted nothing more than to rid herself of them. Charlotte had watched as the older woman destroyed man after man who fell for her, including Smith the first man she actually loved back, and it was not something she would wish on anyone. Especially herself. Still, here she was.

Tapping manicured fingernails against the table Samantha tried to think of something to say, growing more irritated by the moment. This was not how it was supposed to be between two people who had been friends for so long. They were comfortable talking about almost anything. She just wanted to say something, but she couldn't think of the right words and for once she actually cared. She cared so god damn much that it only irritated her all the more. Charlotte was one of the most delicate and fragile people she knew, she broke so easily, and Samantha was good at breaking people with her sharp tongue. The same tongue she was currently biting.

As the minutes carried on Samantha was finding it more and more difficult not to say anything and finally she snapped. "This is ridiculous Charlotte did you just ask me to come to this damn café in the middle of the night so you could stare at your coffee?"

Large brown eyes snapped up catching the eyes of the blonde sitting across from her, and as the hurt flashed across her face Samantha immediately regretted what she had said. "Look, I'm sorry Char, I'm just frustrated." She let out a sound of annoyance before pressing her fingers against her forehead and taking a drink of her own coffee.

Charlotte cast her eyes back to her coffee and let out a sigh. "I know, and I am sorry I shouldn't have kissed you. It's just, I've been keeping these feelings in for so long and I continue to listen to you fawn over man after man and I guess I just snapped. We can just forget it ever happened if you want?" Her voice shook. It held so much hope that it nearly shattered the straightforward woman sitting across from her.

"Do you want to know the honest to god truth?"

The brunette gave a hesitant nod; she knew that this could be dangerous. Samantha never held back when you asked for the truth. Although it was probably better that way.

"I wish that we could just forget it."

"Oh well, in that case—" She started, her hands fidgeting as she prepared to get up and leave the table in order to avoid the embarrassment that would undoubtedly follow Samantha's sentence.

"—But the honest to god truth is we fucking can't."

Charlotte halted in her movements and simply stared across the table, red lips parted slightly and large brown eyes widened in shock, what did Samantha mean by that? Was she going to lose her as a friend as well, or did she actually want more? Finally, finding her voice she forced the terrifying question across her lips. "What do you mean, why can't we?"

"I already told you, I can't fucking orgasm because of you!" She shouted a little too loudly, catching the attention of many people seated around them, but Samantha rarely cared.

Charlotte on the other hand blushed brightly and found herself giggling softly and politely into her hand as she watched the display, it made her happy knowing that she had caused her sex-addicted friend and the woman that she loved to be unable to enjoy sex. It was a huge accomplishment only to be rivaled with becoming the first female president, she wagered.

"What the fuck is so funny about that Charlotte? He is the best sex I ever had and now he does nothing for me!" Charlotte continued giggling. "This is not fucking funny!" Still the giggling did not die down. Finally Samantha rolled her eyes and let out an aggravated sigh, slamming her hand down on the table. "Fine. You know what? This is just fan-fucking-tastic. You ruined the only good thing I have in my life and there you are laughing away."

The loud sound of the blonde's hand hitting the table, as well as her words, finally silenced the younger woman. Now she was simply smiling as she reached across the table and placed a gentle hand over the top of Samantha's. "That is not true Samantha, you have plenty of good things in your life." Pausing she debated if she should stop and decided to just add it. "You could have me."

"I almost did "have" you against the side of a building earlier." She stated sarcastically, even if she could feel an unfamiliar warmth radiating from where their hands were joined. It made her feel uncomfortable how pleasant it felt. Samantha Jones was a lot of things, but she was not a hand-holder.

A bright blush now covered the prudent woman's cheeks, but she did not allow this to push her away. Squeezing her hand gently and smiling brightly she added in a softer voice. "You know what I mean. You could have me both sexually and emotionally."

"What I need is a good fuck. Not all of the emotions, I dated a woman before, I can't deal with all of the talking. Not to mention the fucking jealousy." Her eyes were cast away, knowing that if she looked into Charlotte's eyes she would simply give into her.

"What you need is somebody to love." She said in her matter-of-fact, overly romantic voice.

Samantha looked across the table finally more than a little annoyed with her friends persistence in the love department. She didn't want someone to love her, she didn't need someone to love her, that's what she had friends for. Yet, she had a feeling that she could not simply walk away from the situation and accept that she had no feelings for Charlotte, because she had felt something earlier. It had to at least have been sexual if it made her uninterested in Andy all of a sudden.

"Fine. Maybe, just maybe, we can try the love thing. But first can we try the good fuck thing?" She asked with all seriousness in her voice.

Charlotte's heart stopped beating. "Yes. God yes."

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Authors note: Thank you my amazing reviewers! :) Keep on leaving me love and I will keep on writing as long as I know people actually want to see where this is going.

Y'all rock!

-Tracy Cook


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